1) Why should I care about John Edwards’ new house?

Well, it’s quite a house. 28,000 square feet of magnificent splendor located in one of North Carolina’s most fashionable counties. This isn’t a McMansion we’re talking about here. This is the real deal – A Mansion!

2) 28,000 square feet? Wow. That’s big. That’s even bigger than your own Soxblog Manor.

Actually, it’s quite a bit larger than Soxblog Manor. And I don’t even pretend to spend my time obsessing about America’s underclass.

3) Put 28,000 square feet in perspective for me.

It’s about 80% the size of a football field, not counting the end zones. To give Edwards some credit for his modesty, The Breakers, the symbol of gilded age prosperity built by the robber-baron Vanderbilt family, is around 60,000 square feet. So if Edwards intends to build a house that will serve as an example of hideous conspicuous consumption that will be visited for decades to come, perhaps he has set his sights a tad low.

4) What about the house’s details? The Breakers, according to Wikipedia, had things “like a 50’ by 50’ great hall marked by six doors which are limestone figure groups celebrating humanity's progress in art, science, and industry: Galileo, representing science, Dante, representing literature, Apollo, representing the arts, Mercury, representing speed and commerce, Richard Morris Hunt, representing architecture and Karl Bitter, representing sculpture.” Surely Edwards can’t compete with that.

Well, he’s trying. According to John Carrington of Carolina Online, the humble Edwards abode will have an indoor recreation building that contains a basketball court, a squash court, two stages, a bedroom, kitchen, bathrooms, swimming pool, a four-story tower, and a room designated “John’s Lounge.” The latter is kind of appropriate when you think about it. While the Vanderbilts paid tribute to Dante, Apollo and Mercury, Edwards will pay tribute to himself.

5) What kind of things do you think will happen in “John’s Room?”

I imagine the Lord of the Manor sitting there drinking snifters of ancient Cognac or Brandy bemoaning the plight of America’s underclass to anyone who will listen,

6) Do Cognac and Brandy come in snifters?

I don’t know. Except for the occasional glass of wine, I’m a tee-totaler.

7) Does Soxblog Manor at least have a “Dean’s Room?”

As a matter of fact, it does. Its stunning architectural features include (but are not limited to) a toilet, a stack of newspapers and a sink. For obvious reasons, I don’t do much entertaining in “Dean’s Room.” I do, however, spend some time there almost every day.

8) This whole FAQ seems like a cheap shot. Big deal. We’re supposed to believe you’re suddenly against conspicuous consumption?

I’m not. Quite to the contrary, I conspicuously consume as much as my meager means allow me to. Furthermore, conspicuous consumption is good for the economy. The design and construction of the Edwards house is no doubt employing dozens of artisans, craftsmen and day laborers.

But I’ve always felt that Edwards is a phony. I don’t call him an empty suit – that’s too generous. I refer to him as a suit filled with anti-matter. It’s a bit hard to believe that someone who is actually obsessed with the plight of America’s downtrodden would devote so much energy and so many resources to building a home fit for a modern Medici. I just don’t buy it.

9) But can’t you live a life of opulent splendor and still care deeply about those less well off?

Yes and no. The construction of this house is deeply revealing. Edwards isn’t a dodo. He had to know that building such a house while running a Huey Long-style campaign would be a jarring contradiction. And yet he went ahead and did it anyway.

The heart of the Edwards message is the class warfare sentiment that the working class should envy the rich. Income disparity is the Homeric theme he hopes to ride to the White House. And then he builds a house that will serve as a living, breathing example of how the “other half” enjoys lives of a completely different sort than working people. It doesn’t add up.

10) Will this hurt him?

Yes. It reveals him to be a phony even more effectively than that video of him combing his hair for over a minute did. By the way, if you haven’t seen that video, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.

Compliments? Complaints? Contact me at Soxblog@aol.com.