Speaking only from personal experience, being a victim stinks. I know victim status is all the rage for some people, but it definitely wasn’t my cup of tea.

There was a time not too long ago when a lot of people considered me a victim. My health had declined precipitously, and my outlook wasn’t particularly rosy. At my low point, which was only a few years ago, I hated all the trappings of victimhood. I hated the handicap placard on my car. I hated the chagrined looks I got from friends and acquaintances. I hated their expressions of sympathy, even though they were always well intentioned.

See, I never thought of myself as a victim. Even though it looked like I was going to die a very premature death, I figured that’s the way goes. Some people said, “Why Dean?” I thought in response, “Why not me?” I had enjoyed a great run, and even though it seemed a long shot that I would see 40, I figured on the whole I had been a pretty fortunate guy. I had been blessed with an amazing wife, a great family, and had gotten more of a kick out of half a lifetime than most guys would get out of three lifetimes. And I’ll tell you one other thing – it killed me to think that when I was dead, the general sentiment might be “Poor Dean.” I loathed even the thought of being remembered in such a way.

JOHN ONDRASIK IS THE ROCK GROUP Five for Fighting. The title song from his latest album, “Two Lights”, has a verse about a young man who decides to join the Army. The soldier’s father says of his son:

He was young just 23
Didn't have to go
But it was the man he wanted to be
Like every son he was an only one
One day he came to me, said
Freedoms nothing to look over
Till each man can stand upon its shoulder
I'll right you mountains of letters
Each one a little bit better
And know I'll never be alone

In the past few months, I’ve had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of a few young men who I could easily imagine saying the same words that the soldier in John’s song did. One had recently returned from Iraq. The other two will soon be going. But here’s the kicker. All three are Harvard men. All of them had the typical doors open to them that most Harvard men have. The one who just got back from Iraq also has a degree from Harvard Law School. He was working at a large law firm making upwards of $200k when he joined the Army and headed to combat in Iraq.

None of these guys thinks he’s extraordinary or rushes to talk about himself. That’s perhaps their most appealing characteristic. They not only serve stoically, they serve happily. Bravery and duty are as natural to them as breathing. To them, it’s no big deal.

THESE ARE GREAT GUYS, REALLY FANTASTIC PEOPLE, and I have a feeling that they would share my revulsion at being considered a victim. Under any and all circumstances.

That thought is especially pertinent on this day of all days. In many quarters, when our fallen are honored, the media inclines to mourn them as victims. This dynamic usually operates to serve a not-particularly-veiled political agenda. Jules Crittenden points out that the AP is “celebrating” Memorial Day by commemorating all the fallen in Iraq since last Memorial Day. Those who have fallen in Afghanistan don’t merit a similar “tribute.”

Even if we put the tendentious political agenda aside, commemorating the fallen as victims does them a profound disservice. If the fallen were anything like any of the men I’ve spoken to who have served in Iraq or who are serving in Iraq or who will serve in Iraq, they would far prefer being celebrated as heroes than mourned as victims.

Heroes are what the fallen were. They didn’t want to pay the ultimate price for their country, but they were willing to do so. Their lives were marked by courage and honor. On this of all days, let’s honor them by doing what they would probably prefer we do - celebrate their virtues and thank God that our country has been blessed with so many men who had such virtues in such abundance.

And let’s further count our blessings that we still have so many of their kind walking among us.

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